My Kids Get Hosed!

Man, I high five myself AGAIN! I LOVE catching my kids getting into trouble without really ever seeing it happen! I recently got the, "Wow mommy... you really ARE Super Mommy with powers!! Will I have those when I am a mommy?"

Get ready to judge me... I am sure some will and that's okay, but here's how I do it.

Super Mommy Tip #1: Conspire with Friends!

Who says you need to go it alone? We have friends with a son the same age as my oldest and there's always trouble when we get together. Not destructive trouble.. just the verbal squabbles kids go through when they hang together for more than an hour at a time.

So when the tension is high and the friends head home, the kids start to tattle on each other. We share tattles, figure out what's real and what's not (we've gotten good at that... no trick to it other than experience) and then we confront our own without acknowledging the conversation we had with the parent.

They are always stunned and ask, "How'd you know that?" My reply is, "I am Super Mommy so be careful what you do when I am not around... I know everything!"

I am sure this will backfire shortly, once they put pieces of the puzzle together but luckily with their short attention spans at this age, that hasn't happened yet. When it does, I'll use tips 2 and 3 to continue with my Super Powers.

Super Mommy Tip #2: Lie

My kids truly believe there are secret video cameras all over the house so when they fight and I can not tell who's fibbing about what, I pull out the, "I'll just watch the tape and when I see who really started it, I'll be extra mad because you didn't tell me yourself!" and one always buckles.

Recently, over a fight over nothing, before I even made the comment, my middle one said, "She's lieing and I can proove it! Watch the tape mommy... watch the tape and you'll see."

Ahhh.... sweet victory! BTW- there are no video cameras.

Super Mommy Tip #3: Eavesdrop

Just to maintain credibility with my Super Mommy powers, I silently tip toe to the room they're in and listen for a bit. They don't need to be getting in trouble; I just wait for something interesting to be said and after a few hours (don't wait too long.... kids have short attention spans) I make a statement related to what they said when they assumed they were alone and voila! Again, my super powers amaze them.

Super Mommy Tip #4: Never let them read your blog unless you're ready to give up your Super Powers.

Giving a Bird the Bird

I was driving home last night with my 2 year old son and we saw a pheasant crossing a quiet street but it was obviously frazzled as it darted back and forth across the road. I pointed the bird out to my son in delight as it was a pretty funny to watch and he was quite amused.

Coming down the other side of the street was another woman who began honking furiously at the bird in the road and then gave it the finger. Then I was quite amused. Seriously?

40 Year Slap In The Face

So I stand amongst the cubes in my office and chit chat with co workers. Today, we are celebrating a birthday that is a few removed from 40 and he seems to be delighted at the birthday wishes but is concerned that 40 is only a couple years away. He says, "Forty is the death of a gay man," and I reply, "I can't wait to be 40. It'll be great!" And OMGosh... the swinging of heads in my direction created a wind stronger than the thunderstorms rolling through Atlanta today.

Why is 40 so bad?

Yes, I am excited to be 40 in 5 years. I feel I will be a FANTASTIC 40 year old. I have been very successful in all aspects of my life. I have a wonderful family with 3 adorable, healthy, happy children. I have a husband who loves and cares for me. I am fit and healthy. I have a great career with lots of momentum and opportunity. My breasts don't sag and I don't have wrinkles. So becoming 40 only means that I have 5 more great years to look forward to and when the day does arrive, I will proudly say I am 40.

Barbie Wars

Never a dull moment in the Willoughby House. With 3 kids, all under 7, we have a lot of craziness. My girls are 15 months apart so they are indeed the majority of the drama and today... we have an issue. Nana sent a gift in the mail which was a very nice gesture, HOWEVER, there was a Barbie and a Stuffed Animal and this my friends, created the Barbie War.

You can not... CAN NOT ask the girls to choose between two different toys no matter how much they told Nana on the phone that stuffed animals or barbie is their favorite toy. To make the situation better, my friend who is helping out and watching the girls after school for a couple weeks has had the privilege of being the referee of the latest battle in Barbie Wars. So sorry, Rachel!!!

It pains me but the only solution is to disarm and put the Barbie away until they forget about it. Then, I'll get the other Barbie that has been banished to the plastic bag in the garage and reintroduce them as a pair.

Peace at last...